


Not-So-Grizzly Tales

by LollyHolly99



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: A Big Spooky Fan Zine (Good Omens), Halloween, Man Door Hand Hook Car Door, Post-Apocalypse, kids telling scary stories idk, mild horror/gory elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LollyHolly99/pseuds/LollyHolly99
Summary: The Them (minus one) celebrate Halloween together (with some guests).My submission for the Big Spooky Fan Zine!
Kudos: 1





	Not-So-Grizzly Tales

**Author's Note:**

> whoopsie here's another one that's been posted here way after everyone else in the zine did sdfsfsfs

_It was a dark and stormy Halloween night..._

Except it wasn't stormy, much as the Them would've wanted it to be, for the sake of the atmosphere it would provide. It was quite a clear night, considering England's usual penchant for rainy weather. Just a few clouds here and there. Then again, better that it wasn't storming, considering the children were out in the woods, and their costumes and newly trick-or-treated sweets would've gotten soggy and ruined. It wasn't all that dark, either - dark enough for the time of night, but light enough for the parents of three youths to feel comfortable letting them out past their usual curfews for one of their favourite holidays.

So, it was a Halloween night. And on said night, the Them were gathered at their hideout in the Hogback woods. The Them minus Wensleydale, unfortunately, as his parents had wanted him home soon after he was done trick-or-treating with his friends. So, _most_ of the Them were gathered at their hideout, sat around a camping lantern, chatting about the evening and snacking on the sweets they'd acquired.

"Miss Hobbs really went all out this year, didn't she? I mean," Brian commented, picking a full-sized Snickers _and_ a Twix from his pillowcase, half-full of sweets. "Not even the fun-size stuff. _Proper_ chocolate bars for everyone. What a legend."

"My dad said her son just moved to Spain for a while to go to university, now that he's done with his A-levels." Adam replied, attempting to get his little bluetooth speaker to connect to his brand-new smartphone (given to him as a birthday present by his parents, now that he was thirteen and could (hopefully) be trusted with it) with one hand, and petting a laid-down Dog with the other. "Maybe she's treating all the local kids really nice because she misses him or something."

"Maybe. Hope she's alright." Brian said through a mouthful of Twix.

Pepper, meanwhile, was busy picking out the few sweets with the flavours she didn't like from her haul and putting them in a pile to trade in a short while. "I'm sure she's alright. She's a strong woman. Might need to help her figure out how to use Zoom or something to talk to her son, but she'll be okay."

Suddenly, a chime sounded from Adam's speaker, and he perked up. "Hey, guys, I got it working!"

"Oh, awesome!" Brian said with a smile. "So, what now?"

" _Now_ , you two had better get ready, because I downloaded a bunch of scary story videos from Youtube, and I've got them all here." Adam said, gesturing to his phone.

"Not that I have any problems with this," Pepper piped up. "But why don't we just tell stories ourselves?"

"Can't tell stories if your mouth's full of sweets." Brian answered.

"Good point."

"Plus, I don't know about you guys, but I need a rest after walking all evening before I try and make up any scary stories tonight." Adam added.

Pepper and Brian both nodded in agreement.

"Right, lemme just get them playing."

So Adam set to it, looking for the files on his phone, while Pepper and Brian started trading their sweets between them.

And while that went on, a car, previously just headlights in the distance, grew closer and closer to them, the small group noticing it just as it began slowing down. It stopped some distance away - somewhere along the nearest road - and the headlights turned off. Then, a different pair of lights came on.

"Oi... what's that?" Brian questioned, as he packed a lolly into his pillowcase.

"Those lights?" Pepper asked in response.

"Lights like _that_? On Halloween night?" Adam continued. "Could only be one thing."

"What _thing_?"

Adam put down his phone, and gave the others the most serious look he could muster. "They're _eyes_."

"Those can't be eyes." Pepper said, tossing a pack of Parma Violets into the designated ' _parent sweets_ ' pile. 

"Why not?"

Pepper looked back at the lights. "They're way too bright. What kind of eyes are those supposed to be?" 

" _Monster_ eyes."

"Wait, are you saying it's like... how cats' eyes glow in the dark?"

"I'm thinking more... bioluminescence."

"No way. I saw some bioluminescent fish at this aquarium my mum took me to once. None of them were nearly as bright as that."

"It's _monster_ bioluminescence - it's way more powerful."

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense, actually."

"What kind of monster, though?" Brian interjected. "Must be huge if it's got eyes like those."

"It _is_." Adam replied. "Massive."

Pepper and Brian looked at Adam expectantly. There was something good brewing in that creative brain of his, they could tell. He thought for a second, and then turned on the torch on his phone, using it to light his face more atmospherically.

"Monsters like that, you see, they're like certain animals - they grow to fit their environments. And it lives in these woods. And this is a big old place."

"How big is it exactly?" Brian asked, already invested in the yarn Adam was spinning. "What's it look like?"

"I'd tell you if I could." Adam said with a shrug. "Thing is, no-one's ever gotten a good look at it."

"No-one?" asked Pepper.

"Well, no-one who's lived to tell the tale."

She frowned. "You don't have _anything_ about it for us?"

Adam thought for a second, and grinned mischieviously. "I mean, I _could_ tell you about the fangs it might have, or the claws, maybe, all probably razor sharp and dripping in blood, or its horns, twisted and gnarled all the way to their points, or the way it might not even have to use its teeth to eat you - it could probably just unhinge its enormous jaws and swallow you whole - but it uses them anyway because it loves the way its teeth pop humans like balloons full of blood when they pierce our skin, or the way you might go completely mad if you look into its glowing eyes for too long... but the thing with all that is..."

He paused, to let it sink in for his friends.

"...I couldn't promise I'm telling the truth. The dead can't give me the details of what it looks like, after all."

The others shivered in their seats, and not from the cool night air.

"And anyway," Adam said, smirking. "It's more fun if you're left in the dark and guessing, isn't it?"

In that moment, the monster was almost real. Not through any use of Adam's old powers, no - he was smarter than to let them run wild with _this_ story, of all things. But the vividity of the images he'd brought forth into their minds, all separate and different to each of them, products of young imaginations - the monster may as well have already been manifested.

Brian was the one to snap out of his awed state first, looking at the lights again.

"Um, guys? Those lights are coming this way." he said. "I think... I think they're torches, actually. Who's bringing torches out here?"

"Maybe it's..." Pepper thought. "A pair of murderers, looking for a spot to bury the body."

"Or a pair who haven't done it yet," Adam eagerly interjected. "And they're looking for their victims out here in the woods."

"Because who's going to find out, when it'll happen out here, so far away from the village, where no-one could hear a couple of kids if they screamed?" Pepper continued.

Brian grimaced. "Uh, okay, can we maybe turn that down a bit, guys? That's starting to get a little too real for me."

"It's alright." Adam responded. "It's probably not, anyway. Tadfield's a nice place, no murderers out here. Besides, it's four against two, including Dog - we'll get them easy if it comes to it."

The three of them watched warily, but curiously, as the lights approached, closer and closer. Pepper picked up one of the small wooden swords laid on the ground and held it tight, just in case, while Brian took hold of his pillowcase by its end, still somehow full enough with sweets to be heavy enough to hit something with some amount of force - also just in case. Adam had a thought, and turned off the little camping light, a beacon highlighting them... just in case.

The lights weren't too far away now. They were definitely torches, with people behind them, walking closer to the group.

Almost there, now...

And then...

The lights were upon them. And a familiar voice, with a familiar American accent, came from one of their owners.

"Hey, guys!" said Anathema, cheerily. "How's it going? Oh - and happy Halloween!"

The group breathed a quiet, simultaneous sigh of relief, and Adam turned the lamp back on while the other two dropped their hastily grabbed weapons.

Anathema turned off her torch when the lamp came on, as did her companion who was holding the other one, who turned out to be Newt - as the kids could've guessed.

Adam, Pepper, and Brian greeted the pair in return, and Newt gave a hello of his own.

"What are you guys doing out here?" Adam asked.

"This old schoolmate of mine invited us to a party tonight, but it was... well, a bit boring, honestly." Newt explained. "We left pretty early, and Brian's mum spotted us on the way back home. Asked us to check up on you."

Brian popped a chocolate ball, newly-unwrapped from its pumpkin-y facade of a foil wrapper, into his mouth, as a question came to mind. "Were you guys not in costume? For the party?"

"Of course we were." Anathema answered, and gestured at herself, dressed in her normal clothes. "I'm a witch, obviously, and _this_..."

"Oh," Newt frowned, watching as his girlfriend reached into her bag. "Please, dear, don't, I took those off for a reason. It was bad enough in front of a bunch of people who barely remember me from maths with Mr Fisher - the kids are going to find it even sillier."

With a grin, she pulled out a headband with a pair of fake black cat ears attached, and placed it on Newt's head. "This is my familiar."

Newt grimaced and waited for the response.

"Nice."

"Awesome."

"Love that."

He was pleasantly surprised, to say the least.

"So, what are you guys doing?" Anathema asked.

"Well, we _were_ gonna listen to some scary stories Adam found online." Pepper replied.

"Yeah, we were, but..." Adam sighed. "I think I got too invested in listening to them and forgot to actually download them."

"You listened to them without us?" Brian asked, a hint of betrayal in his voice.

Adam shrugged. "I mean, I wanted to check for any, you know, sensitive topics for any of us. Better safe than sorry."

"Oh. Yeah, that's alright, then."

"Scary stories?" Newt chimed in. "Well, hey, if you don't have any, I've got a fun one to tell."

"Oh," Anathema said excitedly. "He sure does."

The kids looked to him with interest, and he sat down amongst them without the need for them to ask him to. Anathema followed shortly after, just as eager as the youngsters to hear the story - again. Then, Newt cleared his throat and put on a serious face, and began to tell it.

"Once, near woods just like these, on a night _just_ like this, a man and a woman - boyfriend and girlfriend - went out for a moonlit drive. But all of a sudden, during their little trip, their car starts to break down, so they pull over to the side of the road."

He smiled just a little as he looked at the kids and noticed how they were leaning forward, as though trying to absorb the story better.

"The man turns to his girlfriend and anxiously tells her he loves her." he continued. "She asks him what's wrong, and he says 'Our car broke down - I think the engine's broken. I'm gonna go take a walk and see if I can find someone to help.'. So she says 'Okay, I'll stay here and look after the car - I've heard a few reports of stereos being stolen on the news lately.'."

He noticed the barest flash of _something_ across their faces - perhaps recognition, but also perhaps them steeling themselves for the story to come, now that the setup had occurred. He continued regardless, assuming the latter.

"'Good idea,' says the man, 'I love you, sweetheart, keep the doors locked no matter what.' And so the man leaves, disappearing into the night to find some help. Two hours pass, and the girl starts to wonder... 'Where has he gone? He was supposed to be back by now, wasn't he?'."

Another look crossed the children's faces. They glanced at eachother incredulously, but turned their attention back to Newt after a short moment. Still, he continued.

"...And that's when she hears it... _ssscrrrriiiiiiiiiitchh_... There's a horrid scratching noise that won't go away. And among the noise, she's sure she can hear a voice. ' _Let me in..._ ', it says, and it sounds more eager, more insistent, more desperate to get in with every scratch. ' _Let me iiiinnn... Leeettt meeee iiiinnnnn... **Leeeettttt meeeee iiiinnnnn...**_ **'** "

The climax of the story was approaching. Newt grinned in his mild excitement.

"But she doesn't. Instead, she goes to sleep after a while, until the next morning. When she wakes up, though, her boyfriend isn't there. Trembling, she opens up the car door, gets outside to check, and-"

"Okay - Newt, I'm sorry, but-" Brian interrupted, then looked between Adam and Pepper. "Who's gonna say it?"

"Man door hand hook car door." the other two said simultaneously. Amused smirks spread their way across the kids' faces.

Newt looked positively nonplussed at the development. "I... I'm sorry, what?"

"Man door hand hook car door!" Pepper exclaimed, giggling. "Honestly, I would've thought you two would've known about it."

Beside Newt, Anathema was just as baffled. "I literally have _no_ idea what you guys are talking about."

"Man door hand hook car door." Adam repeated, as if that explained anything.

"You just told, like, a fancier version of it." said Brian in turn.

Newt sighed - the children were _continuing_ to laugh, which wasn't _exactly_ the reaction he was gunning for. "Right. Well, um. Whatever you're on about, I guess that's... that's it for the story then."

"Sorry to ruin the story." Adam replied. "It was just really funny when we realised what was happening."

"Oh, it's alright." Newt said with a small smile. "Can't win them all."

Anathema draped an arm around her boyfriend's shoulders and leaned on him, looking up at him with a smile of her own. "Well, personally, _I_ love when you tell that story."

"Awh, thanks, love."

"Welp," Anathema said suddenly, getting to her feet. "We're gonna leave you guys to it. We should probably get going, right, honey?"

Newt made a noise of affirmation, and followed. "See you around, lads. Stay safe! Oh, and happy Halloween!"

Pepper gestured to herself. "Not a lad."

" _And_ non-lads." Anathema corrected fondly. "Later, guys! Happy Halloween!"

The kids said their own goodbyes, and the older pair turned their torches back on to walk on back to the car.

"Sorry again about the stories, guys." Adam sighed. "That was a bit stupid on my part."

"Well, there's a way you can make up for it." said Pepper with a cheeky smile, as she pulled out a small Starmix bag from her trick-or-treating haul and tore it open.

"I'm not giving up my sweets, if that's what you're after."

"No - you can tell them to us yourself!"

"Oh, yeah!" Brian replied, popping a Drumstick into his mouth. "That's a really smart idea, actually."

"That's what you guys want?" asked Adam.

The others nodded eagerly.

"Alright then." he shrugged, smiling. "I mean, I can't remember all the details, but I can try. And I can make some stuff up as I go."

He picked a chewy sweet from his bag, popped it in his mouth, and began to think.

“Right, so – _once, on a dark Halloween night..._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Big Spooky Fan Zine](https://abigspookyfanzine.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> [Say hi to me on tumblr!](https://lollyholly99.tumblr.com/)


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